3 08 2017

This is one in a series of Haiku battles between myself and a dear Lady Cheryl DeWolfe, who blogs at Flotsam and Jetsam. These collaborations are all very erotic and were written in real-time exchanges with no outline nor discussion of the content before each began.

Note: no bytes were killed in the writing of these, thou some of them may be scarred for life

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[warm canvas]

8 06 2017

warm canvas
with his blade
he paints

[sweat and toil]

4 10 2015

sweat and toil
work continues today
watch the paint dry

Paint Ship

4 01 2013

1992, I was aboard a ship heading for the Red Sea in support of the

Maritime Interdiction Force of Iraq, just after the first Gulf War.

I am going to start this shanty with one of the Ten Commandments

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. <-This is important

later on.

So, here we are, half way across the Atlantic Ocean, it is a Sunday.

Sunday, the Sabbath day for the Christian world. The Captain gets up

and looks outside and sees clear sky, with large puffy clouds away

in the distance. He turns to the Buffer (man in charge of ship cleanlyness

and general maintance) and says to him “Buffer, paint the upper deck”

The Buffer, being a man of good character and who generally liked

most of the people on the ship (well, he was of good character)  said ” Sir, its Sunday…”

The Captain was not going to be detered by such trivial matters.

“Buffer, paint the deck”

The Buffer looked at those big, puffy, RAIN clouds on the horizon and

said “Uh, Sir…..”


And so, with a heavy heart, the Buffer got all of us out on the upper deck, painting

the color top.

For those of you who don’t know, the color top is a very thin oily covering that makes the

painted surface very dark and BLACK <-another important point.

Every man who could be spared was out on the upper decks, looking at those big puffy

RAIN clouds and painting. Finally, after about 4 hours work, the job was done and God

looked down at us and was not a happy camper. <<Remember that bit about keeping the Sabbath holy? There is nothing holy about painting>>

God looked around and saw those big, puffy RAIN clouds and said “Sickem Fido!”

Fido, did as he was commanded and off he went, right at us.

The Captain saw Fido and said “Engineer, full speed, NOW!” to which the Engineer replied “But Captain, the engines canna take any more”

(my appoligies to Scotty, I couldn’t help myself)

The ship leap forward to 28 knots and went screaming across the sea. Fido saw this and was delighted with his new playmate. Fido took up the chase. Fido caught us, very quickly, while the color topping was still wet. The ship slowed down and Fido was sad that his playmate had stopped running.

Fido cried.

Fido cried hard.

Fido cried a long time.

Each tear that hit our ship caused a little explosion of dark, oily paint to splatter everywhere – on the

guns, on the missle launcher, on the side of the ship –

I am sure you can see where I am going with this

At that point, Fido stopped crying. Fido was no longer quite so puffy.

And the ship looked like hell

And the Captain went to his cabin and locked the door. Good plan there Captain.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

And here ends this sea shanty

Never On A Sunday

4 05 2012

There are those people out there who are sure that us sailor types are godless heathens, that we do not believe in a God of any flavour. This is not an accurate thought, we all believe in a higher power when we set sail and every once in a while our belief is reinforced for us.

It was Sunday. Bright, beautiful, clear sky (above us) in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The ship I was on was en route to the Red Sea to begin operations. Now, normally a Sunday routine aboard ship means that after cleaning stations, there is no extra work done on the ship. A day off so to speak. Today was not to be one of those days.
The Commanding Officer decided that he wanted his ship to look shiney and clean when it hit port in a few days so he told the buffer (man in charge of ships husbandry) to have the color topping on the deck redone.
Color topping is a thin black paint that is put on the walk ways of the upper deck. Properly done, it makes the ship look that much nicer.
Properly done does not mean going across the Atlantic at 15 knots, with a 20 knot cross wind ON A SUNDAY (you know, that day we are supposed to keep holy?)

The CO told the buffer – paint the ship
The buffer said – Sir, Sunday routine Sir?

Buffer, paint the ship
Errr, Sir, there are rain clouds behind us

Aye Aye Sir

So, all hands turn out to colour top the deck. Wind and all.
We painted
We swore when the wind blew paint streaks here and there
We painted some more.
Finally we finished and started securing the gear

Do you remember that cloud the buffer mentioned?
Do you know that clouds are very patient?
They are.
That cloud waited for us to finish
Then it started chasing us
And it was doing a good job of catching up
The CO ordered Full Speed
And that didn’t help

The cloud moved right up over us and cried
It cried because we had had to work on Sunday
It cried and cried, and every tear drop that hit the deck slashed
that colour topping up from where it was carefully placed

There was runs and streaks of this black stuff everywhere,
including down the hull of the ship
And then we all cried
Except for the CO
He went to his cabin and stayed there for a couple of days

That was the last time we painted that ship on a Sunday